sunnuntai 9. syyskuuta 2007

I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no-one knows I'm crying.

And crying I have done a lot after Keith returned to Canada and I didn't. I feel sad and bad alone, this place isn't my home anymore. Of course it isn't, I haven't lived with my mom for 7 years, and I have never even liked this house. It was nice to come back to Finland, see places and people, but I'm ready to leave already. Funny enough, as much as I complain about Caledonia being different from Finland, Caledonia feels like home. Now unfortunately I have to stay here for months, I don't even really know how long. I don't like this at all! Now I can start complaining about Finland in this blog! Be prepared!

1 kommentti:

Whissana kirjoitti...

Hi Maiju,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling that way.:( I know EXACTLY what it's like. Finland doen't really feel like your place anymore, does it? Been there, done that (got the t-shirt!). :P

Unfortunately I don't really have any good advice to give, other than what you seem to already be doing - distract yourself and try to do something, anything, enjoyable, while time goes by. Believe me it does go by, and at the end you will be happy! It might also partly be the cultural shock you're experiencing. For me it was part that and part the fact that I just didn't want to be in Finland anymore; I wanted to be in California with the person I loved, and that was the only thing i was able to really concentrate on. And i never stopped really feeling that way.

Now im in California, and even though the one i loved is not in the picture anymore, I know if i now went back to Finland, I wouldn't stay there for too long. It just doesn't feel the same anymore. and that's not anything personal towards anyone these, this I think is the hardest thing to explain. I often feel guilty saying I like it better here. Of course I miss certain people; my friends and relatives and I would love to see them more often and I know they miss me too. -How do you explain to these people that no matter how much you care about them and love them, you don't want to live in Finland to be able to be close to them.. hmm.. I'm writing about this 'cause im certain you have similar feelings. Man, I cant wait to talk to you!

Anyway, I really miss talking to you, i been wondering every day how you're doing, and i miss talking to you online on a daily basis. You're a bigger part ofmy life than we both knew i guess! :O I have so many things to tell you, and i want to hear so many things about what's happened to you and how you're doing, other than what I'm reading here. I'm sorry i missed you online the other day, I wasn't at the computer anymorewhen you messaged me, and by the time i got back you were already gone, waaahh!

Hope you're doing good, or at least a little better than what I can tell by reading these blogs. I miss youuuuu! Hope to talk to you asap!

<3 Annina